Violent vs Violent?

When NingNing was born, SyuenSyuen has been behaving badly and I knew that she did so to attract our attention as we are kinda busy with the other little one (NingNing). My hubby and I went through endless of effort to make things better. We did research, asking around for advice and went through all sort of method. We felt blessed as she turns out fine now. Or perhaps, I should say that she is being well-behaved, a very kind hearted girl and always thinking for others. Her nanny, her teachers and even her headmistress praised her. As her parents, we are proud of her.

As for now, we are a little worried about NingNing. Before she turned one year old, we knew that she was different. She is clever or perhaps, we should say that she is mischievous! She always managed to did some action which made us laugh. We are happy to have a little monkey girl at home which really brights up our day.

But, these past few weeks, she has been acting 'violent'. She cried a lot too. She will beat her sister, sometimes without reason! Things get worse when I saw her pulling SyuenSyuen's hair until SyuenSyuen fell down from the chair. SyuenSyuen never fight back! She loves NingNing a lot. What make thing even worst now is that she got into fight. This time she was hurt, with a scar on her nose bridge. She is only 2 years old!! Haizzz.....

I felt so sad on her behavior. We never cane our children because to us, it is violent. We believe that if we cane our children, one day they will become violent. It is because they learn from adults. I really need to work out the way. To us, punishment and caning is just not our style. What I know is that we will still keep to our principle in educating our children.

Here, I would like to share a very good article by Penelope Leach, child pyschologist.

Children have the right to use their bodies to express their feelings, but they don't have the right to hurt someone. Even if you generally let other kinds of misbehavior slide, you need to draw the line at letting your child hit someone in anger.

Of course, this doesn't mean that when your 2-year-old hurts someone, it's okay to hurt him back. If your child hits someone and you spank him or discipline him by force, you'll only teach him that aggression is an acceptable way to express his feelings or to get what he wants. Instead, take your child's hands and say, "No hitting. I know you're angry, but we don't hit people.Hitting hurts."

Some experts suggest that parents offer an angry child a harmless way to "vent" his pent-up fury, such as pummeling a special pillow. This, in my opinion, is a mistake. Anger is a feeling, and feelings don't get "used up." In fact, it's clear from recent research that "harmless violence" is a contradiction in terms. A child who's encouraged to wallop his pillow in anger is more — not less — likely to see walloping a person as an acceptable alternative.

When your child behaves aggressively, be clear with him that it's not his anger you disapprove of, but his violent expression of it. Don't tell him not to get angry or not to show that he's angry. Simply acknowledge his feeling — and perhaps even sympathize with it — but then remind him that it's much more constructive to use his words to tell you why he's upset. This way, the two of you can try to come up with a solution to whatever's vexing him.